Hello John

I am getting a beer gut and have a beach holiday booked this summer. How can I go from zero to Daniel Craig in 3 months? Note: I dont intend to wear skimpy shorts.

Throw on a suit and buy yourself a ppk, then sneak around and ask everyone to call you James Bond.

Oi!!

Who's the agony aunt round here?!! Fack Orf!

Hello Steve,

Thanks for dropping by. You've come to the right place!

I think your problem is one of 'mental perception' - all a matter of how you view things.

For instance, you view your 'Pie-eaters belly' as a 'beer-gut'

I view mine as a 'Fuel tank for a sex machine'.

Be proud of your ample masculine physique, use it to it's fullest most glorious advantage, like giving shelter to small children in the rain or getting the bumps out of your lawn.

There's really nothing wrong with being a fat old bastard - it's simply nature's way of saying "You've really let yourself slip blubber-boy".

But if you really really do want to hook some slack old beach slapper this summer, just stop eating all the pies!

Hope this helps.

Ey fatty bum bum.