...and that's how the fight started

A woman is standing naked, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

So the husband replies, "OK.... Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

...and that's how the fight started

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So, there we were at the side of the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one ARE you?"

...and that's how the fight started

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

So I bought her a bathroom scale.

...and that's how the fight started

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive

So I took her to a petrol station

...and that's how the fight started

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 1 year replied, "Yeah, and can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

...and that's how the fight started

Did you get these from the Rodney Dangerfield joke book?

I would say Chubby Brown but these are at least moderately funny.