The Joke Appreciation Thread (No Racist Ones Please!)

Right then, everyone knows at least one joke, and this is the place for them to be! Very Happy

Try and keep them as less offensive as possible (Johnny O Wink

) and avoid the long drawn out ones if you can. Expect some off Dirty Wallz after all the Roy Chubby Brown and Mike Reid video's he's watched. Speaking of which:

"Two cows in a field, one said to the other "MOOoooo" the other said "you bastard, i was going to say that" Laughing

Next...

“My wife is pregnant , and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”

“Is this her first child?” the doctor asks.

“No, you idiot !” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”

A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog peed on his leg. He reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog.

A passer by who'd seen everything remarked: "That's very tolerant of you after what he just did."

"Not really," came the reply. "I'm just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick his bollocks.

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Blonde: What other colors do you have?

One man says to the other

"its raining cats and dogs out there!"

The other man replys

"Yeah i know, i just stepped in a poodle"

2 drums and a cymbal fall down a cliff

Bu-Dum, Tish

I was in a french restaurant, and i said to the waiter "have you got frogs legs?" He said "yes", I said "good, hop over the counter and get me a cheese sandwich"

What do you call a naked indian girl sitting in front of the fire with her legs apart?

Sinjit

A rabbi, a priest, and a bishop walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

A catholic priest buys himself a new Rolls Royce, and to 'christen' it he breaks a bottle of champagne over the bonnet.

not wanting to be outdone, the rabbi goes out and buys himself a new Rolls Royce and cuts the tail-pipe off

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off

A rather well proportioned young lady, Joan, spent almost all of her
vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel.

She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, being a
naturist, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she
slipped out of it for an overall tan.

She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was
lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the
hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs.

"The hotel doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much
appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."

"What difference does it make," Joan asked rather calmly.

"No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the
dining room skylight."

What did one Lesbian Frog say to the other?

Gee, we really do taste like chicken.

Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather.
Perverted is when you use the whole chicken...

How do you know when your sister's on her period?

You can taste blood on your old man's todger

NB - I realise many of you will find that joke sick and offensive, but I assure you I only include it in a spirit of inclusion, for the benefit of any Bedworth members (or members with dodgy beards), who will no doubt find it:

A. Hilarious
B. Erotic
C. Inspiring