useful advice

never leave an unopened plastic bottle of smoothie drink in your car for a week. i did and its exploded, leaving a nice gooey mess of banana and strawberry covering the whole inside of my car, on the ceiling, the floor, the seats.

nice!

Rig, make sure you get every last spot of it off, because when the milk starts to go sour it gets worse. Happened to me last year, had to have two valets done.

cheers, i'll be sure the wife does a thorough job of cleaning it

bad lad

Never do Borat impressions in a curry house, apparently it's offensive.

Didnt know there were too many kazakhstani curry houses...

To avoid getting splashed with hot fat while frying bacon it is often a good idea to wear welding goggles and gloves

Ever lost a contact lens?

Avoid this annoying and potentially dangerous occurrence by simply drilling a hole in the centre of each and attaching them together with a piece of string. The string can then be tied in a loop enabling you to further secure them by wearing them round your neck when you don't need them.

Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Sound Foundry wrote:

Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Now that's how to play Russian Roulette.

Fancy jazzing up your drinks? buy a banana milkshake, freeze it and voliá! banana ice cubes

dropping a guitar a few times onto a concrete surface gives it that worn in vintage look

Mofo wrote:

Didnt know there were too many kazakhstani curry houses...

This why offense can be taken.

Make up too expensive? buy some whipped cream, put it in a bowl with a pile of mud, mix it up and instant foundation.

Instead of using hair gel super glue your hair into your design of choice for all year round hair styles.

here's one for the ladies

An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator

Viz's lawyers wont be long now guys