Dear John

Theres a guy at work who stinks, what is the best way to tell him?

ergh, same problem at my place of work, although its a girl, and in all honesty, probably a bit too much detail for some, but she smells of bad female hygiene in the downstairs department.
FISHY!

we also have a phantom splatter.

uurgh

nice

yes, i have for some time now used the disabled toilet to avoid the nasties.

yes Labyrinth reference.

Probably best to break it to them gently.......

"You know, you're a really nice girl an all, and you know I like you don't you, but you got some real kipper crotch going on there - your twat smells like the bins at Grimsby Fish Market and it's putting me off my Tuna sarnie, so in the nicest possible way, can you fuck off and jetwash your clam!"

Hope this helps